my child is wild

Lucie was born with a special sensor chip implanted in her brain that allows her to detect which object in her vicinity may be the MOST dangerous, breakable, and/or expensive. She also has a homing program that causes her to immediately grab and destroy said object.

So, in my measurable mercy I have decided to grant Petarsky a prize for the mystery mix even though he didn't get the answer I was looking for. This is mostly because his sister sent me on a whirlwind guilt trip, but also because pete was partially correct when he said that "maybe the connection between the songs is simply that Josh thinks they rock," (something like that), because that is true.

I am not going to just give him a blank check to spend at Steve Jobs' toy store. I get to pick what he wins. And I am going to do that right now.

[some time later]


I sent petros-petros gali the film "Gross Pointe Blank" with the following inscription.
"In honor of our upcoming 10-year reunion, which I will probably miss, and in dishonor of you not guessing the mix theme."

I am so mean/awesome.

Unlimited Power!

So I made this mystery mix for my best buddy Pete. And he had to figure out the theme of the mix in order to win a prize. You can see him flailing here. Granted, it is graceful flailing.

Here is the mix:

Paranoid Android (remix) - Radiohead
Eleanor Rigby - Aretha Franklin
Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand
Electrical Storm - U2
Recovering The Satellites - Counting Crows
Mad World - Michael Andrews
I Bombed Korea - Cake
L'absente - Yann Tiersen
Elephant Woman - Blonde Redhead
Sad Sad World - Sheryl Crow
Red Rabbits - The Shins
Only In Dreams - Weezer
My Love - Justin Timberlake
Neil Young Song - Hayden
Emaline - Ben Folds
You Can't Always Get What You Want - The Rolling Stones

Can anybody see the link? I do mean SEE the link.

Pete is actually PETER. Peter Romney in fact. Peter MILES romney.


[evil laugh/cackle] I'm so awesome.

The future is uncertain...

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Happy Birthday Dad

Love,
The Jazz

Hey Brohawk!

Your wish is granted.
Everybody click here and prove how smart you are. Or not. Because I will warn you of what I did not know. After I feverishly plowed through the test, you are given the chance to see your score...for 9.95 payable by credit card. [cue the fog horn sound effect and green goop poored from the ceiling onto my head] Of course, I was not about to let that effort go to waste so I risked identity theft and personal humiliation and forked out the cash. You get a little profile telling you what percentage of the population scored lower than you as well as a certificate to print out and inspire disgust and nausea in all who see it. So, if you've got 10 bucks burning a hole in your pocket, and a desire to relive the SAT, do it! Please forward your certificates to me so that I may proudly display them.

FYI:

How well did I do? What does my score mean?
Intelligence Interval Cognitive Designation
40 - 54 Severely challenged (Less than 1% of test takers)
55 - 69 Challenged (2.3% of test takers)
70 - 84 Below average
85 - 114 Average (68% of test takers)
115 - 129 Above average
130 - 144 Gifted (2.3% of test takers)
145 - 159 Genius (Less than 1% of test takers)
160 - 175 Extraordinary genius

Of note: Less than 70 is the medical definition of mental retardation. <50 is severe mental retardation, and < 30 is classified as ZOMGWTF.

They claim that 5.42 million people have taken this test and that the average score is 108.447 with a standard deviation of 14.889. Remember that the average IQ should be 100, but they state that a possible confounding variable causing their average to be too high is that "The lowest IQ holders will not be capable of using the internet to measure their own intelligence." Awesome.


***UPDATE***
Apparently one does not have to pay to get their IQ score from the aforementioned test. They will email you just your general IQ score. But they won't make this obvious to you and you will feel like you need to pay the 10 dollars to get any info and thus feel somewhat cheated when you discover your "free" IQ score in your email inbox a few hours after paying for the "complete IQ profile." Wow, I'm a sap.

Finally an explanation for my Hydro!

Did you know that the average IQ has risen on average 3 points per decade over the last 100 years? They are continuously updating the scoring of IQ tests so that the average IQ is 100. This means that if children in 1937 had access to a Delorian with a flux capacitor and took an IQ test today, about 1/2 of them would be borderline mentally retarded.

This trend, called the Flynn Effect, not to be confused with the Errol Flynn effect which is the gradual thinning of mustache hair, has several proposed explanations including more education, better nutrition, greater environmental complexity, and Heterosis which is a fascinating topic deserving of it's own post.

Anyways, other exciting things that have happened to the general population include an increase in height of about 1 cm per decade, and [drum roll] an increase in head circumference!!! One could, and should, infer a relative increase in brain size. Therefore, I pay the price for my superior intellect by having to cart this enormous noggin around.


p.s. how was this for a post? So intellectual! Woot me.

"Just when I think you couldn't get any dumber...

You go and do something like this. And TOTALLY redeem yourself!"
Speaking of redemption: peter, you are forgiven.

I was reminded today what an incredible and important film Dumb & Dumber was/is.

I met a lady today who sounded just like that droid on Return of the Jedi who is deciding what to do with C-3PO and R2D2 in Jabba's hut. It was pretty sweet.


I also heard the following phrase: "One of the social workers may be by." And I imagined responding, "May be bi?" It was really funny at the time. In my head.

Graduation is imminent. Can't wait.

My poor baby was sick as [expletive deleted] last night and did not sleep. It sucked. And I was alone. Did I mention that she didn't sleep? I got [a lot] more sleep when I was on call!

Pitching a no-hitter

Wow! So I actually did get a full night's rest, and didn't have any admissions! Too bad I don't believe in reverse jynxing either. Still, what a magical evening. I watched 3 consecutive NBA playoff games (Go Jazz!), slept fairly well (except for one 2 a.m. page from the ER which usually means your sleep is over, but this time was just some dumb person asking for something that could have waited till the morning), and woke up to a beautiful sunrise over the Baltimore skyline (pic to be uploaded soon). Glorious.

bore-duh

Just rediscovered this photo. Dang we're good looking. I am gettin my haircut at the next available moment.

Do you believe in getting jinxed (sp?)? I think about it a lot. Like when somebody says, "gosh, it sure has been a quiet night." I don't believe that such a thing has any bearing on the remainder of the night, but I can't help thinking about it everytime. And I knock on wood, as already mentioned on this blog. What a bunch of crap.

I am planning on getting a full night's rest and don't think I will get any pages or any calls for admissions!!! Now that's what I call tempting fate!!! (even now it's hard for me to say all that. So weird.)


P.S. If someone were to play a game, and in this game that same someone was allowed to name their characters...what could they name a character that looked like a big cow that walked on it's hind legs and it's only role in the game was to stand by the mailbox and sell crap that is sent to him at a local auction house? Please submit witty ideas quickly.

Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my bored, yet comfortably bored self. I mean, heart. Whatever.

Family album

Apparently one of my ancestors was put on trial for murder (search "holyoak"). Ok, so I don't actually know if we're related, but just pretend we are. Reading the account is...dare I say, quite humorous to the mind. For, with it's olde working of this our native english tongue, in deft combination with the mentioning of one with whom I share my very surname, it doth oft-times bring me to shed forth bursts of heaping laughter.

Check it. And don't forget to search "holyoak." Otherwise you'll be reading 300 pages of random lameness.

P.S. Extra points are given for a non-WoW use of "blunderbuss."

***UPDATE***
Holy crap, Holyoak! Having read the entire account, I now know that the poor sunovabitch was convicted and executed! Wow. Now I really hope we are related.

Indignant and Diggin' it

[haughty]SO!!!!!! Mr. Big Shot Linguist! Think you can not link to my blog anymore, eh? Sure, you've linked to all of our friends' blogs, all of your relatives', and even MY little brother's. But mine? No longer! In protest I shall link to my own blog 10 times.
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My ego has now been reinflated.

I'm on call again. It is going [knocking on drywall in the direction of the nearest wood] very well so far. And in response to my FORMER BEST FRIEND's comment, being on call is still crappy for the first couple of years as a urologist. It will then SUPPOSEDLY get relatively better. So, you are right, Oh Judas, that I shouldn't complain as much.

p.s. I'm just kidding, man. Don't get worried.
p.p.s. No I'm not. You should be worried.
p.p.p.s. yes i am.
p.p.p.p.s. etc.

Mix-off 2007

In light of the recent onslaught of mixes that I have received from both my dad and my BFF, I am announcing the first annual Mix-off. Any and all mixes sent to me will cause a mix of equal or greater value to be sent back from me. But first, let me just say a few words about the not one, not two, but three mixes recently sent to me by one Petarsky. First of all, there were no labels and no accompanying documentation from which I could glean any sort of rhyme or reason to their make-up. I became obsessed with discovering the theme of each, even though I was forced to import them into iTunes under the sadly anonymous monickers "Pete's Mystery Mix #1, 2, and 3." I believe one of them was meant to be "the worst covers ever to have been recorded" mix. I laughed until my ears bled at the sound of some asian man groveling through Led Zeppelin's When the Levee Breaks, and I continue to laugh when I think of it. However, I am completely at a loss as to the theme of the other two mixes, and my poor neurotic brain cells cannot wrap their collective selves around the idea that possibly the mixes were just a group of songs that were liked by old Tromiles. Therefore, i have concocted, during my most recent road trip to Philly, in the state of PA (imagine Josh cruising up I-95 at 80 mph with a grilled stuffed burrito in one hand and the thumb of his other hand furiously thumbing-up an on-the-go playlist on his newly acquired Mega-iPod), a mix that I will soon send to the far reaches of California. Mr. Romney, your mission, whether or not you choose to accept it, is to decipher the theme of this mix. It is so cryptic...so subtle...that I will offer a reward to you for your successful decipherage of it's theme within the allotted time. If you post a comment to this blog with the correct theme by May 6, 2007 (5/6/7!!!) I will send you your choice of the following: 1) an iTunes gift certificate in an amount of my choosing, 2) a subscription to various and sundry pottery barn catologues, or 3) an invitation to my upcoming graduation.

Let the games begin!!!



p.s. wow, being back on a rigorous work schedule sure has done marvels for the old shblog, eh?

Zomcrapstain

I am appalled. I cannot believe that there are people like this still in the world. My favorite line:

"There was not anybody that I can remember that was black," she said. "The white people have theirs, and the black people have theirs. It's nothing racial at all."

Wait, what?!?!?

p.s. the hospital computers are rigged so as not to allow me to view websites relevant to any video games, more specifically my recently acquired addiction. Thus, during my "significant" downtime whilst on call, not only can I not play said game, I can't even dork-out and read about people playing the game. How am I supposed to maintain my loserdom?!?!?

On call

Wow, I did not miss being on call.

You know how sometimes people can be heard yelling into their cell phones? And occasionally they say things that make you wonder if they realize that they are letting the whole world know those things? Well, today on the way into the hospital, a man was screaming into his cell phone: "Well, they gave me a new anti-biotic, And an Anti-Fungal Cream." I capitalize to emphasize how awesome it was. It sure made me laugh.

What a weird profession I have chosen for myself. One that will regularly require me to stay up all night long answering mundane and/or gut-wrenching questions. Good thing I'm not an anxious person. And good thing I don't like sleeping very much.

[trombone] Wah wah wah wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

It's pucker time

40 minutes and counting until step II CS. I am nervous. That is all. I had horrible nightmares last night and woke up every couple of hours. I sure am glad that I get to take big scary exams like this every few years for the rest of my life. Ok, apparently that was not all.

Mel and Lucie: Come home! I miss you.

Good-bye-a Sanjaya.

P.S. I'll have you know it is NOT always sunny in philadelphia.

P.P.S. Orange County is the movie I would have liked to make about my life. If I was a surfer who wanted to become a writer. And if I was Tom Hanks' son.

P.P.P.S. I ordered a big-ole breakfast last night and when it arrived this a.m. it looked really awful and I only ate the toast.

P.P.P.P.S. I don't really have anything to say, but if I stop this post I am affirming that I have to go take a huge high-stakes exam.

Where's the orange juice?

So I'm in West Palm Beach at the moment. I have nothing more to say about that.

The other day I actually heard the following phrase used in conversation: "I'm sorry Ms. Jackson." I was really hoping someone to follow up with "I am for reeeeeeeeeeeal," but that didn't happen.

I recently had a nightmare that lasted all night long involving the end of the world. The entire planet was being covered and consumed by dark black lava. I was trying to get my family to safety by using my new found powers of flight that only worked if I concentrated really hard and used a weird kite/hang-glider thing. The last part of the dream was me telling my dad and brother about the dream with the lava that I was actually still in the middle of.

Side note: babies sometimes need to cry for the sake of crying and it is pointless to try and figure out why they are crying and/or remedy the situation. Babies also sometimes will suddenly learn abilities, like speech, for example, that seem well-beyond what they're supposed to know at their age.

Lucie is now sprouting at least 2 more teeth. They are her top teeth, but instead of being the front teeth to match her bottoms, they are her canines, or fangs. So she looks like Johnny Depp as Ed Wood.

I sure can't seem to study for the last step of the boards. Good thing it's not for another few days. I've got plenty of time.

This post needs a pic.
Here we go:

God Bless You, Mr. Vonnegut

story

Two points to Gar...

...for pointing out that the bunny costume in Donnie Darko is much scarier than the other one.

Merry Easter

I love this picture for 2 reasons.

#1) Is this not the scariest easter bunny costume ever? It looks like he's got conjunctivitis and rabies.

#2) It looks like Lucie is introducing him to a tv audience: "Ladies and Gentlemen, how about a big round of applause. He only comes around once a year! He's...the Easter Bunny!" [canned cheering]

Again, for the first time

So we really are moving to Denver. This time I mean it.
Seriously.

No jokes.

You should all come and visit.

Of note it is 6:42 a.m. and Lucie has kept us up most of the night. I'm using the royal "us."

peace.