I.A.

You know what bugs me? Besides Tyra Banks and Nancy Gray? Inappropriate abbreviations. In the field of medicine I am faced with this a lot. Let me try to remember some of my unfavorites.

RTC ("round the clock" meant to imply that something should be done all day long. Shouldn't it be A-round the clock? "Round" should only be used as a preposition in christmas songs.)

Tx, Dx, Sx, Fx, etc (basically, take any word and use only the first letter plus x. Everybody else is left to telepathically infer your meaning. All of them are variable. It's not like Dx always means diagnosis. It also means disease. Sx can be for symptoms or surgeries. You catch my drift. Fx Ax!!!)

Now I'm really bugged because I started this post with one particular abbrev. in mind that was particularly annoying because the abbreviation takes longer to say than the word it's replacing, but of course now I can't remember what it was. 5 free iTunes songs to whoever lists one first.


Now, in response to the commentary of the last post, re: names. Tarsky, you got me all a-laughin' with the 6 degrees of kevin bacon. But the strange thing was I had already dreamed up an awesome cd mix-tape challenge earlier that day. Here's what's what: I give you two artists, say...Guns N Roses (that's just one artist so far, for all of you non gnr fans) and the Samples. And your job is to connect the two in a mix tape with the following rules. Each consecutive song must be related to the last in an alternating fashion as follows: Song by the artist, song by another artist with at least one word in the title (besides a, the, an, etc) in common with the last song, another song by the same artist, then another song by another artist again with a title word in common with the last and so on, and so forth. That's confusing I realize, so let me demonstrate.

Guns N Roses, sweet child of mine, Neil Young - I am a child, Neil Young - harvest moon, The Police - Walking on the moon, The Police - Every Breath You Take, Dixie Chicks - Cowboy Take me Away, Dixie Chicks - Not Ready to Make Nice, The Samples - Did you ever look so Nice.

Now, no credit is given if iTunes is used in assembling the list (like I just did), however extra credit is given for making the connection in fewer steps. I realize that I could have just let you go song to song without making you use two from each artist, but this makes it more complex and interesting, no?

Alright, here is the challenge: M.C. Hammer to Sarah McLachlin.

He (or she) who get's it in the fewest steps will win another 5 iTunes songs. (who am i kidding, pete is the only one who may POSSIBLY even respond to this...[secret psychological tactics at play here]).

p.s. I just ate an orange swedish fish candy that tasted like Comet Cleanser (this smell is a registered trademark of Josh's Entire Childhood), so if I start to slduflurrrr my spehsdlhc;haeeecdh, you'rlllll undrerjstsandnd hnwyyywhyyyydlsh.

Post P.S. Addendum:
Picture pages picture pages...(random bill cosby images should flash across your brain. And possibly a strangely large marker)

On the back of a package of gummy bears I recently injested. Should I be worried?


As depressing as it is for me to add pictures of work (or to even THINK about work whilst enjoying an evening at home) I've been catching some sweet sunrises lately.


Lucie loves straws. She's mutilating one in this pic.


This is still funny to me.


Just cause she's cute and far away. (mel and luce are in DC for the week)


I know I shouldn't mock this, but come on...This is a poster to help people identify what sexual HARRIS-ment is. (NOT her-ass-ment)


Can't tell, but this is a pic of a whole strip of shops called "Fred's Meats", "Pete's Pizza", and "Pete's [something else]." I'll have to get a better pic.

Excuse me, Mr. Adam Duritz: It is not necessary to obscure every living semblance of the original melody and/or cadence when singing your songs live.

Englebert Humperdink

So my name is Josh. Hopefully you knew that. Strangely enough, however, if one were to look at my birth certificate one would see that my name is actually two letters longer. Joshua is my real name. But, as a testament to how little I associate myself with that name, behold the following story.
The username that was assigned to me for the 'puters at work is Joshua1. Everytime I type that in, instead of thinking, "oh look, self, there's your name again," it is so foreign that I think rather of the 80's movie Wargames. If this reference is lost on you, please immediately tab over to netflix, sign-up if necessary, and rent that awesome film. Be prepared for some annoying Ally Sheady-ness, but some totally sweet flying pterydactyls.

Sticking with this innominate theme, check this action out. So I am frequently, nay...always spelling my name for people who, at the sound of it completely lose their ability for rational thought and often respond, "whoa...what the heck kind of name is that?" To which I'm apt to reply, "hey dumbass, it's two english words. Open your eye-holes." So anyways...the real story is a funny little quirk about it's spelling. I'll be spelling it out for them...real slow-like...and I finish "o-a-k." And they inevitably respond. "o-k." This leaves me horrifically perplexed. Are they indicating their comprehension of it's spelling? Or did they, in a feat of increasingly astounding lameheadedness, mispelling my name "holyok."

Ok. I'm off to read about the bladder. I know, I know...you're all jealous. Just wait till you need a TURBT! You'll wish you'd sat alone in a stuffy room at an eery hospital reading urology textbooks instead of relaxing at home with the family sipping cranberry juice and eating mike & ike's. You'll be sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!

You should probably grab a hold of something...

as sands in the hourglass...

I had the theme to the Days of Our Lives in my head as I started this post. Who on earth knows why.

Yesterday we took Luce [sic] to Toys Backwards-R Us. I ended up spending a substantial amount of time playing Playstation 3 there. There was this game where you drive an off-road truck in Monument valley along a course that is at the edge of a huge canyon. The graphics were abso-freaking-lutely incredible. I was amazed. I kept driving off the side on purpose because it looked so nuts, even though it would always cut off and put you back on the road before you fell very far. Mel was watching and she's all "you're totally going to dream this tonight." So what did I dream? I was in a minivan (white and lame, not like my awesome silver dream-machine.) and driving up a canyon sort of like Milcreek canyon and I careened (hmm...gonna have to look that one up...wow, actually spelled it right) off the side and the minivan rolled over and over again. She was right!

Then last night I dreamt that Malcolm was driving this big cabin-cruiser boat and went really fast out of the dock and then there were islands everywhere with Mammoth sized crabs on them and they would try to snap at us as we went by.

My coworker said she dreamt the following last night "I dreamt there were all these hooligans, and they were such bad hooligans that Oprah started sending them all of her underwear everyday." I am still dying/laughing.

In 1984 my family lived in Denver, CO just for the summer. It just so happens that there was some awesome music that was really big that summer and ever since then whenever I have heard those songs they would make me think of that one summer in Denver. I think I even made a mix of denver songs for my sis. So today as I walked past the OR I heard one of them: Bruce Springsteen: Dancin' in the Dark and I felt so weird because I am here in Denver again! It's so strange trying to reconcile all of those random memories with the place I live in now. They seem like they are from alternate universes.

Speaking of music in the OR (which is operating room, but everyone knows that, don't they?) today whilst taking out a bladder tumor the song "take me out" by FF came on. I thought, "how appropriate." And I imagined the patient dreaming "I know I won't be leaving here with you," in reference to his multiple papillary WHO grade I/III TCC masses . It was a touching moment.

Note to self: When you finally get up the funds, the wherewithall, and the guts/glory to make your biopic a la Zach Braff, but with fewer awkward palm-to-father's-chest moments (see Garden State (2004)), make sure to include the scene where your daughter is rent from her mother's wound cesarean-style with a sweet series of on-the-beat still frames of her first breath and crying set to the music (which actually was playing) of the Who's Won't Get Fooled Again [specifically the part following the extended keyboard solo where mr. Roger Daltrey lets out a scream...Now all of you take a moment to imagine that exact part juxtaposed with all of the stress of watching your child being born and she's letting out her very first scream...I mean come on! This is the stuff of High School Film teachers' most joyous moments! Carter (last name?) from East High: wherever you are, you were a totally sweet film teacher.) Geez, I've used so many of these () and these [] that I don't know what I still need to close. Forget it.

Ok. Probably enough for today. I'm off to cart around my daughter and relish all of the attention that she gets. PEACE.

Zooropa

We took Lucie to the zoo yesterday. It was a lot of fun because she's old enough to see that there is some crazy stuff going down at such a place. The lion was her favorite, but the little monkeys were mine. Also cool: a hippo that was ridiculously large and in charge. Pictures to come up soon!

I asked a dude where the abdominal CT Scans (formerly known as Cat scans; why aren't they any more? Not sure) were read. He said "in the basement" and I said "where exactly" and he said, "just exactly right beneath us." I then went on a wild goose chase only to find that it was not anywhere near "right beneath us" and was in fact on the other side of the hospital. I have since been left to wonder: Did he think I was asking him just, in general, where the effing basement was? Argh!!!

Lucie walks and claps now. She continues to be the smiliest person on the planet. I can't stand knowing that I don't get to go home to see her tonight!

There is an epi...no...PANdemic in Denver of Left-turn-on-green illiteracy. Not once or twice, but multiple times now have I been behind someone in the left lane when the light turns green and they look up, notice it's greenness, and then do absolutely nothing. At first, I think that possibly they are just waiting for a yellow to make their move. But NAY! They just sit there and let it turn yellow and then Red! What the crapstain!?!? At first I just let it slide, but yesterday when it happened for the umpteenth time I did indeed let forth a slight honk of the horn. In reply I received much flapping of the arms and dirty looks in both rear views. I responded in kind (minus the rearviews, unless you count hers). But the situation was not remedied. What could POSSIBLY be going through these peoples heads? "Ah yes, I remember this from Driver's Ed. 'Always wait for every other light to turn.'"

The other day I walked past a lady as she was saying to the lady from whom she was purchasing an over-priced caffeinated beverage, "Can you believe the nerve of that woman? Brushing her hair right here? Disgusting!" I thought to myself how silly that lady seemed for making such a big deal of such a benign act. Am I as bad as that lady for my green light story!?!??!?!?!?!??! Is there a standard pattern of ?'s and !'s that is grammatically acceptable?!??!?!?????!?!!! I don't think so !!!?!??!!????!!!!!

the shblimpsons

i picked the same shirt as pete...weird............

Blog neglect

I certainly have been a bad blogger lately. I do apologize.

I have currently lost my voice. Yesterday I sounded like Barry White, then last night I sounded like Dizzie Gallespie. Now I sound like Charlie Brown. The Peanuts character, not the jazz pianist, which is confusing given the penultimate comparison to a jazz great.

I am working a lot, but I don't feel overworked right now. I had a nice free weekend full of sleep and house organizing. Melissa got it all finished up and it feels like home again.

I bought a little flat screen tv for the crap of it. It's pretty neato except for some random technical issues that I won't bore you with. I look forward to owning a big old fat LCD some day. Although before that I will need to either a) buy a new stud-finder (start the joke-off) or b) become more proficient at using the stud finder, because I put a WHOLE lot of HOLES in the wall before I found anything that seemed remotely like a stud.

Lucie walks now. It is so great. I need to upload some video. Remind me to do that.

I am also hopped up on Dayquil caps (not the syrup: yuck!)right now, so I can't be held responsible for any strangeness.

I wonder how my med school friends who are now all interns are doing spread all over the place.

I wonder how my 10-year reunion was.

The iPhone sure is neato but I have been advised by my psychic guru to await version 2.0 before purchasing. We shall see if my discover card can remain sheathed that long.

It sure does rain a lot here. People keep telling me that it's unusual.

There is, supposedly, a Holyoak in Colorado. Well, there are definitely Holyoak's in Colorado, but there is supposedly a Holyoak, Colorado. Actually, I think it's a Holyoke, Colorado. So far I have heard that Holyoke is where the good bar was back in the 60's. I have also heard that Holyoke has a good football team. I will have to visit this mythic place.

Did you know that Colorado means "red" in spanish? Denver, Red. That's where I live. And Denver looks like a French verb. If I had to guess, I would think that it meant "to stutter." As in, "Je denve de temps en temps." Stuttering Red. Now that is a good band name. But is it spelled like that? Studdering. Stuttering. Stuttering is an onomatopea (now I know for sure that is spelled wrong). Otomotopotopeeya. I'll have to look that up. But seriously, how rude to make the word for stuttering a word that would be easy to stutter on. We should have called it "Jonesing." Like, "oh, my friend Steve...he joneses sometimes." Or, "Jake doesn't jones as much as he used to."

Ok, now that's the dayquil talking. No wonder meth addicts talk so much. But why do they have such bad teeth?

wait, what?

I'm already tired.

I had this incredibly transcendant moment during the John Mayer concert last weekend. It was at red rocks so the scenery was incredible, the weather was set to absolutely perfect, the music was just amazing, and the songs had pre-assigned meaning for me, and then on top of all that at one point I wandered down and listened to most of a song from like the 3rd row. Also, I knew that having nice relaxing moments like this will be a less frequent occurence now that the whole Gray's Anatomy has begun, so it all totalled to a life-stopping moment. Haven't had one in a while.

Other than that, I miss my wife and child. I had a horrible and drawn-out nightmare regarding my wife last night. I'm incredibly nervous about starting my job this weekend, yet at the same time I think the actual job portion won't be that bad. Taking call and cross-covering for every known surgical service in the universe will be absolutely horrifying. My first call is Monday night. Be ye forewarned.

On the plus side, the people who are interns with me seem to be real good folks. Especially 3 or 4 of them. Kind of reminds me of the mission in that you know that they are experiencing the same bull crap as you and they have a similar view of the situation, so it just makes you feel that much better.

Pete has a nice Tom Brokaw style (maybe more like Neil Armstrong style) sign off for his blog. I need one too I think. How about:

And that's the truth...PBBBSSSSSTTTTTTT.

Reader's Digest version

Lemme esplain. No, is too much. Lemme sum up.

Thought the house was sold. Moving company waits till worst time ever to announce that they weren't coming. Got a new moving company in a rush. Moved across the country. House was not, in fact sold. New moving company was worse than the first and as of 20 days after picking it up they have still not delivered our stuff. I have grown quite accustomed to sleeping on the floor, so it's nice to know that I have that skill leveled up to 375*. Melissa left for Spain. Lucie is in SLC. I am lonely. My cats are not adequate company. I'm sick of food that can be cooked in our one cooking implement: the oven. Started orientation today. Sewed a pig stomach together.

Please check out this page on my website for all of the billions of cell phone pics I recently uploaded.

Here are some high quality pics for your viewing enjoyment:


I miss lucie as much as my cats like to chew through speaker cable. And that is a LOT.


Here she is: the SS SoccerMom. Her maiden voyage across the US was fairly uneventful. Thankfully.


The king has returned home!


Ok, here's his real home.


I would've taken a picture of the mayor if we could've found him.


She seems like a big scary cartoon character in this one.


Not so scary anymore.


These are mostly just so I can look at them and miss her.


She looks so crazy in this one. I love it.


McCall Koelpin has arrived! So cute. I can't wait until she goes to McCall. Let the confusion abound!


Now righted. Still cute!


Will definitely does not suffer from a lack of the cuteness either.


Oh My Gosh, a high chair? How great!


Doesn't she look like a mischievous christmas elf? Or a Naga Siren*?


Holy crap, come home already!!!





*These jokes intended for Ryan only.

Man, I suck at blogging

But I have been to some sweet concerts lately.

I've got me some ideas

There are lots of things I need to blog including but not limited to: The x-country trip with pics, the Police concert, etc. But until I can find the motivation, please check out this awesome thing that happened to me. This may confirm some of Eddie Vedder's long-held suspicions:

Gosh, I'm feeling prolific

The other day a lady in our parking lot asked if I had any jumper cables. Sadly I did not. Later, her mother arrived and I thought, "I should offer to help." Thinking that I was a sexist pig for assuming that they would need my help, I did not offer any. Then, they got the car all fired up and immediately the horn started honking. It was a sad honk, but still a constant honk. Even still I did not offer to help for a couple of trips between my car and the apartment (I was unloading all the crap we brought from MD). Finally, I decided to not be a schmuck. I sauntered over and said "can I help?" The daughter frantically asked "Do you know how to disconnect the horn?!??!?!??" I had an apostrophe. ["I think you mean an epiphany." "Lightning...has just struck my brain." "Ah, well that must hurt."] "Have you tried removing the fuse?" "The fuse!" she replied. Within seconds I discovered the strange under-the-hood placement of the fuse box, and after having demanded the owner's manual, I found the proper fuse, yanked it out, and immediately the horn stopped. (please sing along)

I need a hero!
I'm holding out for a hero till the end of the night!
Cause he's got to be fast and he's got to be strong, and he's got to be larger than life!"

Fact: We need a nanny.
Fact: The neighbors directly across the hall from us seem like a trustworthy couple and have one daughter almost exactly a year older than ours.
Fact: The mother used to be a Pre-school teacher, also used to nanny other children, but is currently not employed.


So, Peter. I heard that your brother AND best friend live in Colorado now. Hmm...sure would be easy to find an excuse to visit the mile high city, now wouldn't it?


I was hauling crap from my car (same timestamp of first story) up to our 3rd floor apartment and multiple times felt faint and had to sit down. I was also really winded and thought, "gosh, I"m sure out of shape." A few hours later I remembered that I am now about 5000 feet higher up than Baltimore. Isn't science fun!?!? I'm going to start smoking and taking iron pills to see just how high my hematocrit can climb.

Salt Lake 2.0

Did you know that Denver is just like Salt Lake City? Enough so that my brain actually thinks that it is in SLC and that if I wanted I could drive over to a friend and/or family relation's house?

Point #2. Living without furniture sure sucks. I cannot sleep on a mattress that gradually loses air during the night until you wake up on the ground.

Point #3. Please stay tuned for photos of the worlds coolest washer and dryer that we recently bought. Thank you to the rich person who thought a small dent in the corner of said washer rendered it useless and also to Lowe's for marking down this same machine 50% for said aforementioned dent. Just to whet your appetite: it has the ability to clean your clothes with nothing other than cold water and silver ions. That's right, I said SILVER IONS!!!

[slobber]

The new iphone ads have me drooling again.

2 awesome 4 words

Coming soon to a theater near you

Just wanted to let everyone know that my biopic is about to be released. Check it out: here.

the BuShblog

We went to see the "man" land. It was awesome.


Dad at la Casa Blanca, awaiting arrival of senior arbusto.


First two choppers came in and did a totally sweet flyby a la maverick.


See: I told you.


Then the real deal came in.


The bossman came out after some pomp and circumstance with a soldier.


The Mrs. too!


This one is my favorite because...


It looks like he's doing a Hungarian folk dance.


Technically, this is Lucie getting her picture taken with the president.


Some cheff in front of me was ranting and jeering. It was awkward.


The President appeared to be lost and wandered off into the trees.


The heli wasted no time and took off for the wild blue yonder.


The whole crew. Some showed their respect for the president by dressing in their finest shorts and tees.


Kicking it cold old school on the White House lawn.


Ain't it perty?

It was an incredible event. But apparently not enough for dad who, it seems, attempted to break into the NSA the following day. Silly dad.

Well, eff.

Colorado it is. Who says you shouldn't get your hopes up? If you never did you could never be horribly dissappointed!

On a happier note, my daughter just ate a fly.

Actual conversation from 4 am

"Where's the humidifier?"

"You made a fire?"

"Yes, dear. I made a fire and wanted to tell you that at 4 a.m."

losing my mind

I recently saw a very funny spoof of a pharmaceutical ad for a drug like ambien or lunesta. I thought for sure it was on Saturday Night Live. This was very recently! But I can find no record of this commercial. WTF!?! I'm going cuckoo trying to find it.

p.s. it is not the stupid stupid stupid spoof on google video of some guy swatting at the Lunesta butterfly.