...which is French for "snobbery."
Dude sitting next to me on the plane: who declared the singular armrest between us yours? Moreover, when did you conquer the 4 inches of airspace on my side in the name of Elbowland?
Lady in the terminal: ***news-flash*** when you open a bottle of soda that has been shaken and it starts to spray everywhere, try closing the bottle. Amazingly it will stop spewing forth.
Carl Sagan has been blowing my mind tonight. (I can read- who knew?)
Be tee dub: it is a balmy 65 degrees in Houston and is sposed to be 75 in N'awlans tomorrow. Righteous.
What was my sign off supposed to be? Umm.
Peace out.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Spirit of St. Loser
I am sitting here in the St. Louis airport. Nothing terribly exciting about that, I just thought you should know. Maybe I should have written it as stage directions, not dialogue.
Anywho...I heard me a great misusage of "literally" the other day. Ready? Here goes: "I am literally between a rock and a hard place." I guess this isn't really a great misuse of the term, someone could literally be between those two things. But I like it anyway.
I have a bazillion pics to post here. Unfortunately I'm about to cross over from one bazillion to the number "never-mind" at which point no photos shall appear. We'll see how this weekend goes.
I am a traveling fool lately. 2 weeks ago: DC. Last weekend: SLC. Today: Missouri. (Are you saying these out loud? Cause you should be, they rhyme. I suppose they also rhyme in your head, but where's the fun in that?) Tomorrow: Colorado. (Still rhyming, but now in a different scheme.) Friday: Down by the bay. (Well, New Orleans to be more precise. There must be a bay down there somewhere. Come on, work with me, Rhyme-haters!) Next Wednesday: Springfield, Illinois. (No more rhyming. Deal with it.) Following Friday: Lubbock, Texas. The land of Bobby Knight, I am told. For those of you not familiar with Bobby Knight, he is a post-modernist, art-deco, nouveau riche poet laureate. Please enjoy some of his works here. Following Sunday: Back to SLC. What is that, like, 18 trips in 5 days? Nuts.
By the way [which I think should be converted into one word a la alright (not aware that it's actually from the two english words all and right? You're welcome.) into Bythaway] I just finished Stephen Colbert's book, which ruled, and I can feel myself trying to write like him. Or like the team of writers he employed to help him write. It doesn't matter, just buy the book and read it. Cover to cover. It is LOL funny. And I don't even read books. I think the last book I read in it's entirety was All Quiet on the Western Front back in 9th grade (that's grade 9 for you Canadians). Allow me to give you a sample of it's goodness in order to spur you onward towards it's eventual purchase and reading (From a chapter on the future, specifically regarding a future where Robots have become self-aware and enslaved mankind):
I mean come on...that's funny. Please Mr. Steve do not sue me. Book quotes are ok when they are in positive reviews encouraging others to purchase your work, right?
In other news, I have done something that I have long dreamed of doing. I bought some stock in Apple. I made $11.00 today!
Bythaway, if you want to see something awesome, check this out.
Anywho...I heard me a great misusage of "literally" the other day. Ready? Here goes: "I am literally between a rock and a hard place." I guess this isn't really a great misuse of the term, someone could literally be between those two things. But I like it anyway.
I have a bazillion pics to post here. Unfortunately I'm about to cross over from one bazillion to the number "never-mind" at which point no photos shall appear. We'll see how this weekend goes.
I am a traveling fool lately. 2 weeks ago: DC. Last weekend: SLC. Today: Missouri. (Are you saying these out loud? Cause you should be, they rhyme. I suppose they also rhyme in your head, but where's the fun in that?) Tomorrow: Colorado. (Still rhyming, but now in a different scheme.) Friday: Down by the bay. (Well, New Orleans to be more precise. There must be a bay down there somewhere. Come on, work with me, Rhyme-haters!) Next Wednesday: Springfield, Illinois. (No more rhyming. Deal with it.) Following Friday: Lubbock, Texas. The land of Bobby Knight, I am told. For those of you not familiar with Bobby Knight, he is a post-modernist, art-deco, nouveau riche poet laureate. Please enjoy some of his works here. Following Sunday: Back to SLC. What is that, like, 18 trips in 5 days? Nuts.
By the way [which I think should be converted into one word a la alright (not aware that it's actually from the two english words all and right? You're welcome.) into Bythaway] I just finished Stephen Colbert's book, which ruled, and I can feel myself trying to write like him. Or like the team of writers he employed to help him write. It doesn't matter, just buy the book and read it. Cover to cover. It is LOL funny. And I don't even read books. I think the last book I read in it's entirety was All Quiet on the Western Front back in 9th grade (that's grade 9 for you Canadians). Allow me to give you a sample of it's goodness in order to spur you onward towards it's eventual purchase and reading (From a chapter on the future, specifically regarding a future where Robots have become self-aware and enslaved mankind):
Hey Robot! Congratulations on the utter subjugation of the carbon based creatures following the Great Purge.
Here's a proclamation I want you to broadcast through your Hivemind to your android brethren:
The next sentence is false.
The previous sentence is true.
I'll wait while your heads explode.
Now, to the human who has picked up this book in wonderment, having pried it from the still-clenched hands of the Iron Master who just self-destructed:
You're Welcome.
I mean come on...that's funny. Please Mr. Steve do not sue me. Book quotes are ok when they are in positive reviews encouraging others to purchase your work, right?
In other news, I have done something that I have long dreamed of doing. I bought some stock in Apple. I made $11.00 today!
Bythaway, if you want to see something awesome, check this out.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Home (?) again?
So...(that's better) I decided to fly out to DC on the spur of the moment yesterday so that we could be with Melissa who had to come out here on Thursday for work. Flying with Lucie proved to be quite trying. Especially when she broke my glasses. [trombone: wah wah wah wahhhh]. But at least I got to spend all morning getting new glasses! Wondering around with poor vision with a cute but occasionally unhappy baby is also work. Highlights of the above stories: Lucie finally going to sleep as we took off, and then the wicked witch of the west next to us spills her effing club soda on us waking us both up. "It's only club soda," she "apologized." Great.
Lucie was checking out some big stuffed animals at a pretty cute store and fell onto a metal bar holding a shelf up. She got a bloody lip and I was sure that she would require emergent plastic surgery, but thankfully it was just a bloody lip. Still sucked. We bought a stroller and grover. She did not like either of them in their intended function, but did enjoy this role reversal:
You should have seen the conniption she had when I tried to actually put her in the stroller. Actually, you shouldn't have.
At least all was well in the end. Check it:
Look different from my old ones? Nope? Good.
Lucie was checking out some big stuffed animals at a pretty cute store and fell onto a metal bar holding a shelf up. She got a bloody lip and I was sure that she would require emergent plastic surgery, but thankfully it was just a bloody lip. Still sucked. We bought a stroller and grover. She did not like either of them in their intended function, but did enjoy this role reversal:
You should have seen the conniption she had when I tried to actually put her in the stroller. Actually, you shouldn't have.
At least all was well in the end. Check it:
Look different from my old ones? Nope? Good.
Friday, November 16, 2007
putting the "bodily functions" back into "blog"
First of all, the requisite cuteness:
Just look at that 'tude!
Pigtails!
Now, to the business at hand:
Last weekend I was on call. Fact: being on call sucks on it's own.
I soon discovered that I had eaten something that my body really didn't like. I mean, REALLY. So much so, that...well, to spare you the details, let us say that said food was going to find it's way out of me by any means necessary. Wow...I so badly want to get into the nitty gritty details, but I'll save that for an email to specific parties so as to spare my grandparents and/or business relations that may, or may not, peruse this blog from time to time. [a propos: the other day I spoke with a canadian woman who spoke french with that elusive quebec accent. She said the french version of "from time to time" which is, oddly enough, "de temps en temps." Frenchy Frenchies say it like this: "deu tawns on tawn," but with her funny quebecian accent it came out "day tans ahn teh." Well sort of. Call me, I'll speak it for you.] So...(can't believe I didn't start this post with that) it was a rough evening. Fortunately some kind soul took pity on my and scored me some Reglan (metoclopramide) and I felt better...eventually.
Gross bodily function story numero dos:
I was "scrubbed in," as they say, to a surgery the other day, which means that they had run out of tables in the operating room and I had to crouch on the ground and the patient was lain across my back for the duration of the procedure. [joke] When one is scrubbed in, one is not allowed to touch anything outside of the "sterile field." Unfortunately one's masked face is outside the sterile field. This becomes troublesome when one has an itch, or say, when one's glasses slide off of one's face because one's daughter has stretched the bejeebers out of them. So this particular time, somebody told a joke and I let out my level IVa laugh which is simply a snort of air from the nostrils. Little did I know that a snot rocket had just finished it's pre-flight checklist and was ready for launch. Thus, I laughed a hunk of snot onto my, thankfully mask-covered, upper lip. But of course, I couldn't reach up and do anything about it, so I was forced to let it slowly slide and slither down along the crest of my lip and around to my chin before it nestled itself squarely on the chin-mask junction. 20 minutes later when the case finally ended I wrested the mask/snot complex from my disgusting face.
I am post-call right now. Prolly (R)* going to regret telling this story.
P.s. My brother has a car?!? What's next? A mustache? Done and Done.
*A registered trademark of Garcorp.
Just look at that 'tude!
Pigtails!
Now, to the business at hand:
Last weekend I was on call. Fact: being on call sucks on it's own.
I soon discovered that I had eaten something that my body really didn't like. I mean, REALLY. So much so, that...well, to spare you the details, let us say that said food was going to find it's way out of me by any means necessary. Wow...I so badly want to get into the nitty gritty details, but I'll save that for an email to specific parties so as to spare my grandparents and/or business relations that may, or may not, peruse this blog from time to time. [a propos: the other day I spoke with a canadian woman who spoke french with that elusive quebec accent. She said the french version of "from time to time" which is, oddly enough, "de temps en temps." Frenchy Frenchies say it like this: "deu tawns on tawn," but with her funny quebecian accent it came out "day tans ahn teh." Well sort of. Call me, I'll speak it for you.] So...(can't believe I didn't start this post with that) it was a rough evening. Fortunately some kind soul took pity on my and scored me some Reglan (metoclopramide) and I felt better...eventually.
Gross bodily function story numero dos:
I was "scrubbed in," as they say, to a surgery the other day, which means that they had run out of tables in the operating room and I had to crouch on the ground and the patient was lain across my back for the duration of the procedure. [joke] When one is scrubbed in, one is not allowed to touch anything outside of the "sterile field." Unfortunately one's masked face is outside the sterile field. This becomes troublesome when one has an itch, or say, when one's glasses slide off of one's face because one's daughter has stretched the bejeebers out of them. So this particular time, somebody told a joke and I let out my level IVa laugh which is simply a snort of air from the nostrils. Little did I know that a snot rocket had just finished it's pre-flight checklist and was ready for launch. Thus, I laughed a hunk of snot onto my, thankfully mask-covered, upper lip. But of course, I couldn't reach up and do anything about it, so I was forced to let it slowly slide and slither down along the crest of my lip and around to my chin before it nestled itself squarely on the chin-mask junction. 20 minutes later when the case finally ended I wrested the mask/snot complex from my disgusting face.
I am post-call right now. Prolly (R)* going to regret telling this story.
P.s. My brother has a car?!? What's next? A mustache? Done and Done.
*A registered trademark of Garcorp.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
"How not to visit new york", or "Josh Seeks Sympathy for Crap Birthday"
So I was on call for my 29th birthday. This meant spending my lovely evening putting out proverbial fires, but thankfully no literal ones. I saw some gory/heinous stuff. I'm not sure gory is spelled like that. But whatev.
My emotional state went through the following stages over the course of the night:
The worst was when my eyeballs were no longer tracking together.
At least I had some birthday cake:
Mmm...Didn't these used to not be hostess?
Besides being a crotch shot:
...this also displays the ridiculous array of pagers one must adorn themselves with whilst on call at a certain hospital. Kids, can you count all seven pagers?
At least the city looks cool in the morning.
Pretty sure that building in the foreground on the left is where Dozer is summoned to on Ghostbusters.
So then I went to New Jersey for an interview, which was fine. I had 8 billion years afterwards before my flight so I thought, "hey, I'll go to manhattan and take some sweet pictures with my awesome canon camera." But instead, I tooled around in horrible traffic unable to settle upon a parking spot and spending approximately 3 hours driving at 3 miles per hour across the whole damned island. I NEVER LEFT THE CAR. And here's the kicker, my bladder was emptied twice! Summation: do not DRIVE in manhattan. It chupas huevos. Here are the crap iphone pics I took instead of the glory that could have been.
First, a bentley:
Sweet, no?
The new apple store:
And some creepy dude in front of it.
Scariest bridge crossing ever:
Taking this photo nearly cost me a rental car.
Again, risked life and limb for this shot:
Non in any way worth it.
Hey look:
It's the chrysler building. From queens, no less.
At the very least I have a better idea of the layout of the various buroughs of NYC now. Unfortunately I don't know how to spell burroughs.
Getting tired of writing. Eliminating unnecessary words. Typing in headlines.
Got to JFK. Bought Steven Colbert's book. Laughed embarrassingly loud. Everybody buy it.
Didn't take off until late. Slept on plane. Got home at 12:30 a.m. Realized car was parked in $3.00/hour zone with no daily maximum. Discover Card footed the $110.00 parking bill. Pondered my stupidity. Pondered some more. And some more.
Ok, so next time, fly into NYC and take a damn cab!
I've been wanting to do this for some time now. Let's see if I can manage it.
Ok, I'm done. It's crap, but was still fun. This is pretty close to what the size comparison would be if the Burj Dubai were being built in Salt Lake City:
The Church office building is 28 stories tall. So far the Burj has 156 completed stories. Chew on that, Trident.
One last thing. This is an example of a good, nay...great movie preview. Movie Previews and Music Videos are, perhaps, my favorite forms of media. Geez, what does that say about me? I think it's because they are both short enough that they can be made to be perfect, with no opportunity to be distracted, bored, or lose that old suspension of disbelief. Granted there are a ton of crap trailers and even more crap music vids, but there are many many of them that are totally great. I should link to my favorites. But that would take a lot of effort. Hey, you 3 people who read this blog, why don't you submit your favs. Maybe I will be inspired to list mine.
My emotional state went through the following stages over the course of the night:
The worst was when my eyeballs were no longer tracking together.
At least I had some birthday cake:
Mmm...Didn't these used to not be hostess?
Besides being a crotch shot:
...this also displays the ridiculous array of pagers one must adorn themselves with whilst on call at a certain hospital. Kids, can you count all seven pagers?
At least the city looks cool in the morning.
Pretty sure that building in the foreground on the left is where Dozer is summoned to on Ghostbusters.
So then I went to New Jersey for an interview, which was fine. I had 8 billion years afterwards before my flight so I thought, "hey, I'll go to manhattan and take some sweet pictures with my awesome canon camera." But instead, I tooled around in horrible traffic unable to settle upon a parking spot and spending approximately 3 hours driving at 3 miles per hour across the whole damned island. I NEVER LEFT THE CAR. And here's the kicker, my bladder was emptied twice! Summation: do not DRIVE in manhattan. It chupas huevos. Here are the crap iphone pics I took instead of the glory that could have been.
First, a bentley:
Sweet, no?
The new apple store:
And some creepy dude in front of it.
Scariest bridge crossing ever:
Taking this photo nearly cost me a rental car.
Again, risked life and limb for this shot:
Non in any way worth it.
Hey look:
It's the chrysler building. From queens, no less.
At the very least I have a better idea of the layout of the various buroughs of NYC now. Unfortunately I don't know how to spell burroughs.
Getting tired of writing. Eliminating unnecessary words. Typing in headlines.
Got to JFK. Bought Steven Colbert's book. Laughed embarrassingly loud. Everybody buy it.
Didn't take off until late. Slept on plane. Got home at 12:30 a.m. Realized car was parked in $3.00/hour zone with no daily maximum. Discover Card footed the $110.00 parking bill. Pondered my stupidity. Pondered some more. And some more.
Ok, so next time, fly into NYC and take a damn cab!
I've been wanting to do this for some time now. Let's see if I can manage it.
Ok, I'm done. It's crap, but was still fun. This is pretty close to what the size comparison would be if the Burj Dubai were being built in Salt Lake City:
The Church office building is 28 stories tall. So far the Burj has 156 completed stories. Chew on that, Trident.
One last thing. This is an example of a good, nay...great movie preview. Movie Previews and Music Videos are, perhaps, my favorite forms of media. Geez, what does that say about me? I think it's because they are both short enough that they can be made to be perfect, with no opportunity to be distracted, bored, or lose that old suspension of disbelief. Granted there are a ton of crap trailers and even more crap music vids, but there are many many of them that are totally great. I should link to my favorites. But that would take a lot of effort. Hey, you 3 people who read this blog, why don't you submit your favs. Maybe I will be inspired to list mine.
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